Getting Past the Glare

Is is possible to get past the glare? The glare being referred to here is the initial visual attraction made between two people upon first chance encounter. Experience has shown that when two people first meet and find each other mutually attractive based on physical appearance, there tends to be what I would like to coin a "glare." This glare is very similar to what you would experience when driving down the road on a sunny day. You can see out your windshield and are still able to drive, but you are somewhat distracted by the bright glare coming from the reflection of sun off the windshield. Everything will be fine as soon as you make a turn that puts your car out of the direct glare of the sun, or put down the visor that at least helps dim the amount of direct glare that is visible. But how does this translate to the glare in relationships, especially new ones where you find yourself immediately imposed upon by the "glare?" The relationship glare still allows you to physically see the person, but does it also provide a distration that makes it more difficult to see through the windshield and get to the important details that are at this point somewhat disorted by the radiant rays of the glare? Not certain if this is a gender specific issue or if it effects both men and women equally? So is born a new post to ponder the effects of "glare." Having a physical attration to your partner is very important in any couple. But can this attraction provide such a glare that it makes it more difficult to get at the important parts of the relationship that allow a deeper connection? Can one get past the initial glare and delve into more meaningful experiences? Or perhaps is the glare part of the person's nature, much like that of the praying mantis or the beautiful male cardinal bird? The more attractive the animal, the more likely it is to draw in it's prey. Is the human glare used like that of the female mantis to draw in her mate, only to eat him once mating is complete. Okay,that may be a little dramatic...but it appears that sometimes we are not as far removed from the animals as one may think. Perhaps glares in relationships may be dimmed by some sunglasses. Figuring out what the sunglasses will look like or how well they shield the glare may be the difficulty. Or maybe it is just like driving a car, once you have made your turn into the sun, you will have to ride it out until you find your sunglasses, get your visor down or make a turn out of the direct glare. Perhaps... Not bullshit! by, yours truly

Happiness

When looking at happiness, the following quote sums up what I believe to be key to finding your own happiness. “Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means that you've decided to look beyond the imperfections.” Unknown

Happiness is one of the most difficult things to achieve. Yes, I say achieve because it is not something that can be found, but is a state of mind that is accomplished by the recognition of the good things in your life. Happiness can not be provided from an external source such as a new relationship, a sudden monetary windfall, or getting what you want in life. These things are all exciting or even fun in the moment of execution or receipt, but are all temporary states of happiness.

True happiness can arise from some of the most difficult and challenging situations. This happiness is the source of having identified the things that are most important in the face of the most adverse situations. It comes with the recognition of knowing that you have everything you need in life, which are the most basic and simple gifts that came with birth. Air in your lungs, people to love and those that love you. Having friends with whom you can rejoice in the memories, both good and bad. It is accepting flaws without judgement and looking past them to see how you can contribute to your relationships in a positive way.

Happiness is being perfectly okay with who you are, how you feel, and knowing what you want from your life. It is being the change you seek if you are not happy or accepting that some things you can not change. Acknowledging your feelings with your life and being okay to live in your own life and skin. Life is not perfect, is seldom pretty, but is without a doubt an amazing experience to be lived. That's right...LIVED. With good comes bad, with happiness comes sadness, with love comes pain. But it is the existence of sadness and pain that help us appreciate the good and the love and the happiness.

Are you happy with all of these things? Are you happy with you? Are you living your life? I sure hope so, because by living your life you are capable of finding the change necessary for your own happiness. In closing, embrace what Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”
To happiness! :)

grace

This was too good not to post somewhere, so I will put it here. Totally lifted it from a bottle of shower gel, but I think you will enjoy!

"life is a classroom. we are both student and teacher. each day is a test. and each day we receive a passing or failing grade in one particular subject: grace. grace is compassion, gratitude, surrender, faith, forgiveness, good manners, reverence, and the list goes on. it's something money can't buy and credentials rarely produce. being the smartest, the prettiest, the most talented, the richest, or even the poorest, can't help. being a humble person can and beind a helpful person can guide you through your days with grace and gratitude."
amazing grace

communication: expectations, assumptions, & fears

Communication is a difficult thing for most people and it gets very complicated once any type of emotion is involved. I believe expectations have the ability to start the process of miscommunication. It seems ridiculous to think of communicating with family, friends, and significant others in a business sort of format, but maybe this would level the communication playing field, so to speak. If the communication begins with the expectations of the persons involved in the communication, it may help to set the tone of the conversation. Stating the intentions or goals of the communicators involved could keep things on track without them getting too personal.
However, with assumptions being made, the conversation will invariably go wrong. When one person assumes they think or know what the other is thinking or means, without questioning their intentions, communication can get all screwy, leading to mass miscommunication and often times hurt feelings. It is definitely easier to write and understand the process of communicating, but implementation is another process all together. Which brings us to the fear part of communicating.
Fear keeps us from implementing an effective communicating process particularly when the emotions get involved. Emotions can wreak havoc on the best laid plan of communication and also lead to saying things that cannot be taken back...either good or bad. I believe it is important to try to stick to the expectations of the conversation in order to minimize the effects of emotinoal sidetracking. If this means a pause in the commnication in order for the emotions to subside before communication can continue, so be it.

"Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you." Anonymous

Heard an interesting analogy this morning to describe the pattern of going from one relationship to another, without stopping in between...the monkey bars. This is the practice of holding on to one relationship while starting another, only letting go of the old one after the new one has begun. It is a perfect pictorial to describe the fears of a codependent person. The fear of being alone or totally by oneself never happens because they are connected to someone else emotionally, physically or possibly even both. It makes it safe for the person holding on to two relationships because they never have to experience the fears and deal with the emotions of being alone. Unfortunately, this practice is equally damaging as well. It keeps the person stuck in a pattern of behaviors that does not allow them to deal with the real issues. These issues are likely the fear of being totally alone and the lack of ability to feel at total peace with oneself. There are many reasons these fears may exist and can be as varied as flavors of ice cream from one person to another, but all valid fears none the less because of each person's individual experiences. The question then would be...are you afraid of letting go? Would you like to become aware of your life or continue down the same path, making the same mistakes? It is your choice. Good luck with your decision, but don't be afraid.
"Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret from the past and fear of the future." Fulton Oursler

थे मोंकेय Bars

courage to change

Honesty and courage go hand in hand. Many mistakes are made in life...they are there to help us learn. It is what we do with these mistakes is what makes the difference. Once mistakes are realized, it is important to be honest about them and come clean. If an apology is warranted, make it. The guilt that is carried around by the mistake or pain caused to another is counter-productive and leads to more guilt and reluctance to change. Have faith that no matter how the apology is received, you have done your part in at least acknowledging the mistake. But don't stop there. What you do with that knowledge is what can lead to permanent change. This change takes courage. Not all interactions in life go well. But being willing to make good on those mistakes or apologize for the pain caused, is a step in the right direction. Feeling guilty about something or having difficulty sleeping at night? Give it a try, come clean. It is easy to suppress feelings and hope that issues will go away if it is just ignored. But often times it is like a snowball silently rolling down a slope...it grows. It will get so big that eventually it will require attention, maybe when you least expect it or in ways that you never considered. We all have a reluctance to change, because it is sometimes uncomfortable or painful, but making the same mistakes over and over again with the same results is called...insanity. Good luck on the changes you choose to make in your life...and be brave.
“You don't develop courage by being happy in your relationships everyday. You develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity.” ...