Communication is a difficult thing for most people and it gets very complicated once any type of emotion is involved. I believe expectations have the ability to start the process of miscommunication. It seems ridiculous to think of communicating with family, friends, and significant others in a business sort of format, but maybe this would level the communication playing field, so to speak. If the communication begins with the expectations of the persons involved in the communication, it may help to set the tone of the conversation. Stating the intentions or goals of the communicators involved could keep things on track without them getting too personal.
However, with assumptions being made, the conversation will invariably go wrong. When one person assumes they think or know what the other is thinking or means, without questioning their intentions, communication can get all screwy, leading to mass miscommunication and often times hurt feelings. It is definitely easier to write and understand the process of communicating, but implementation is another process all together. Which brings us to the fear part of communicating.
Fear keeps us from implementing an effective communicating process particularly when the emotions get involved. Emotions can wreak havoc on the best laid plan of communication and also lead to saying things that cannot be taken back...either good or bad. I believe it is important to try to stick to the expectations of the conversation in order to minimize the effects of emotinoal sidetracking. If this means a pause in the commnication in order for the emotions to subside before communication can continue, so be it.
"Friends never make assumptions about you. They never expect a reason to go out with you. In fact friends only expect you to be you." Anonymous
emotion is necessary for communication. business transactions are for businesses.... even then, when someone says "it's only business, it's not personal..." i say bullshit! if you are saying or doing something that will alter my life, it is personal and i am going to get emotional. i think we can go back to the fear aspect, however, and state that those that are afraid to be emotional are the ones that cannot handle the emotion. you must be in touch with yourself and your emotions in order to empathize with others. if you are unable to address your own emotions and your reactions to those emotions, then you will be unable to understand others' emotions. i truly believe we must address those feelings. just like my philosophy on hanging up on someone on the phone-- what does it solve???? the subject matter will still have to be addressed- either with that person or another- it is your emotion that causes you to hang up, not theirs. i will take this back to my "mommy issues" comment of the past.... lol luv ya
ReplyDeleteoh yeah, and you are so totally allowed to have expectations-- they are not premeditated resentments.... not unless you choose them to be. they, expectations, are what define the terms and limits of a relationship. at a certain point in a relationship, the expectations are necessary and needed. otherwise, at what point would the relationship either progress or digress? just a thought
ReplyDelete